Candidates Respond to Primaries

LAKE CITY–Last week’s decision by the board of elections to divide the election season into primaries was universally praised by the candidates.

“I couldn’t be happier that my voters won’t have to wait until July to collect some prizes,” intoned Jonny, the Same Day Shipping party candidate that has led the polls for the last several days. “This gives the power back to the people and will keep voters energized through the entire campaign.”

The primary contests will also be a shot in the arm for candidates who have had difficulty breaking through to the leader board on the web page. Smart P.O. party candidate Bennett, who has been largely frustrated in his attempt to maintain a presence on the leader board, noted the psychological advantage of seeing your name on the web page. “If I can’t manage to get any better traction before the end of the Super Thursday primary, I’m going to be trying that much harder to place in the beginning of the Fabulous Monday primary,” he said, noting that the counter on the web page will be reset at the beginning of each primary. “I think if you’re on the board, you automatically attract more votes.”

Bennett believes primaries will help his campaign

The primaries will divide the election season into four parts, with prize drawings at the conclusion of each part. They are slated as follows:

Super Thursday–March 15
Fabulous Monday–April 30
You’re The Boss Caucus–May 31

The final four weeks of voting will combine the results of all three primaries and will be a full-on race to the finish on June 28. Although every vote counts toward the final result, the primaries will be treated as separate races, so the ranking of each candidate will be reset for the duration of each primary or caucus. “I really like the changes the board has made,” said Kurt of the #1 on the Street party. “This is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s going to be really interesting to see who has the stamina to keep going until the end.”